Breaking The Waves
by Wijida
Summary: Kathryn Janeway, in an a/u story, married Jaffen, and a seemingly happy life becomes otherwise very quickly.


**Disclaimer**: Voyager is the sole property of Paramount, and now that it's gone, UPN will never be the same again! :(

  


**Note**: This is an odd a/u type deal...

  


Breaking the Waves

By Manda (Mizuno Ami)

  


She sat by the ocean, watching waves crash apon the shore with unwavering rhythm, their whitecaps breaking over the faltering crabs and turtles which frequented that particular segment. Her cottage sat so very close, on a piece of land which dropped off close to the water and was surrounded by wavering grasses that seemed at times to be sentries for her modest home. She did not live alone, yet had become used to a lack of sound- the lack of Voyager's engines humming beneath her feet as they had for so many years. Chakotay, Kim, and Tuvok...all had returned to their past lives, with the exception of Tom and B'Elanna, whose tiny family had established themselves so quickly in the hurried San Fransisco life. She heard from them, but very little, and understood why.

"Kathryn?" The voice behind her brought her attention back to the present, and she turned away from the picture window, stationed in the front of her open, sun-bathed living room. The colors surrounding her were soothing; blue, grey, and green...her husband often stated that those shades complimented her eyes, and well. He was so like that, and she loved him so dearly for it.

"I'm here." _Always_, she thought. Always. 

"We're going to have a storm." There were clouds in the east, she'd noted that, yet never took to mind what it could mean. A storm. Those frequenting clouds which roared over the sun and made the ocean look angry- living on the California coastline made her appreciate them, yet she knew what they always meant. Mark would have hurried in, helped her to pack a bag, and then...

"I'm sorry, Jaffen. I'm coming." They'd married months after Quarra, onboard Voyager, with Chakotay conducting the ceremony. He'd been happy for her, and she'd been happy, and when they'd discovered the way home...the two had settled in Southern California, away from San Fransisco, away from Starfleet...she taught at the Academy- Quantum Mechanics- and he'd managed to procure a job himself, teaching about Delta Quadrant Species. They were in love, and they had always been in love, and she was certain that she would always remain.

"That's all right. Take your time." He came, wrapped his arms around her shoulders, rocked back and forth with the ease and comfort she associated with his presence. "Kathryn, are you all right?"

"I'm fine." Her thoughts were drifting, and had been as of late. Where were her crew? Where was Chakotay? There had been a message from the outpost near Dorvan- simple, to the point, telling her of his work to establish a new colony, to aid in the efforts to build. There had been attempts on the Terikof belt, a belt discovered by one of his Maquis crew, long before Voyager had come into their lives. Those planets which had been used for Maquis purposes were now deserted, alone, and Chakotay's team of colonists reportedly hadn't found enough there to work with anymore. Ravaged by the Cardassians...nothing left, not even the few structures and shuttlecrafts abandoned at their disappearance. Chakotay now remained at the outpost, light years away, and she thought of him often, but with little contact.

"How can we slip away like that?" She murmured.

"What?" Jaffen was still there, and she'd forgotten. Kathryn felt vacant for a moment, detached, and spun around, away from his grasp. 

"I'm sorry...I need to make a call, first. Would you mind getting our things together, honey?"

"Of course." He left her there, and she sat before the desktop console, fingers dancing across the panel to initate the subspace call. It took a moment, seemingly forever, and she began to tap her fingers impatiently, a habit she'd picked up in the past few months. 

"Hello?" He drew back at the sight of her face, and she could see in his chestnut eyes that she was not at all whom he'd expected. Chakotay looked tired, weakened, and she tilted her head in worry at the sight. "Kathryn."

"Chakotay. It's good to see you." She had no idea what she was to expect, but she hadn't expected such lack of support in his voice. The ambient noise behind him was very little, nothing new from what she'd heard the last time she'd spoken to him. 

"And you." Neither spoke for a moment, until she summoned the courage to ask. 

"Chakotay, what's wrong?"

"My wife..." He trailed off, and she felt her heart sink considerably. His wife...when had he married? Why did I lose that? "My wife...is dead, Kathryn. Her funeral was yesterday morning...I'm sorry I haven't kept in contact with you."

"I'm the one who should be sorry. Your wife, Chakotay...what was her name?"

"Riley." His voice broke slightly, and she shifted her eyes. Riley. Ironic that her name would be Riley... "She was here, building the colony, and we were married several weeks ago."

_My god, that means he married before he sent me that message. And he didn't tell me...he didn't say...My god. _

"I'm so sorry..."

"So am I." He paused, staring to the left at apparently nothing, yet she could feel Jaffen's presence, and knew exactly what he saw. "You're looking happy, Kathryn."

"We're doing fine." She replied. "There's a storm on the horizon- Jaffen and I are packing to leave for Anaheim."

"A storm brewing...I can see that." _What can he see that I can't?_, she wondered, staring at the man whose soul and self she had gotten close to over the seven years onboard Voyager. The man whose counsel she had depended on for so long, and then she had faced losing him...had lost him...not only to her deep attraction for Jaffen, but to time apart, and much unneeded time. _What can he see that I can't...?_ As her eyes left the viewscreen, they drifted out onto the water and the stormy clouds which built up over it.

"Kathryn!"

"I'm coming," She called over her shoulder, and met Chakotay's eyes once again. "I'll call again soon, Chakotay...we both need it."

"Thank you, Kathryn." The image was gone before she could bat an eye, and with Jaffen's final call, she rose and hurried out.

  


_Everything happens for a reason..._

_There is a day to live, and a day to..._

She choked, coughing back the blood which rose to her lips and wet them, made them redden in the mirror above her bathroom sink. The peace of her home no longer seemed soothing, nor did the lack of sound upset her as it once had. She could barely think of Voyager, could barely fathom the inner reaches of the ship any more than she could fathom having another day alone--after over a year of sharing a home and an existence...she felt depraved to have anything less.

"Kathryn." When he'd spoken it, it seemed warm and moderate, wrapping her in a blanket of security she'd lacked since the death of her father. Now...and now...she missed the warmth. This voice, however, held much of that feeling and more in its very delivery.

"Chakotay," She turned to him somberly, he standing in the doorway with a sympathetic smile and arms crossed patiently. "Thank you for coming."

"It's been a while." He replied. "I see the storm didn't bother you."

"Didn't bother me? She shook her head savagely. "No, it didn't bother the house...the grounds...it didn't bother anything. Jaffen was going to build Molly's pup- Ollie- a new house in a few months...there's a perfect spot for it near the shoreline. She'd have a view..."

There was silence as she choked to a stop. Ollie's house...the plans were spread out on the tabletop in the foyer, waiting on mint-green paper for Jaffen's approval and Kathryn's light irish touch, color-wise. They'd decided to do it as soon as the weather became calm- the moment that there were no longer any signs of needing to 'batten-down-the-hatches'. It would have been green, she thought...and the rug would be blue....his favorite color blue.

"He was fond of blue," She said. "The color of my eyes- he had to say that every time we looked at the plans..."

"Kathryn..."

"Didn't bother me." She repeated. "Didn't bother me?? No, Chakotay--I have sympathy for your loss, I do...but my loss is fresh. Recent. I can still feel his hands on my shoulders, hear him breathing in my ear...taste his cooking. I can't understand it, and I can't accept it...I've lost far too many loved ones in my life to begin to understand why he would die so quickly- so easily. It was an evacuation, not a deep-space mission, not a test-flight." 

The first tear struck the rim of a coffee cup on the sink, splattering salt water over green-veined marble.

She stared in the mirror at the reflection which stood there...the image of a man she'd once been closer to than anyone...until she met Jaffen.

The second tear fell in, sending ripples across a sea of cinnamon-scented cafe con leche, with the lukewarm scent wafting up into her nose. The third and fourth soon joined it, and she held the corner of the sink in silent grieving. As Chakotay came behind, his hands setting gently on her shoulders, she turned to take his hand and lead him toward the open front windows. Looking out together, over the breeze-stirred water, she felt large fingers squeeze gently around hers, and she managed to smile as the waves began to roll. A tiny whitecap, a seagull perched on the farthest rock...and a breaking wave.

"Goodbye, Jaffen. Someday we'll build that house." She whispered.

_We'll build it on the ocean..._

  


-Fin-

var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001089 geovisit();


End file.
